ATTUNE

For parents

A day through their eyes.

Inattention is easy to miss. It rarely looks like “naughty”. It can look like a child who seems not to listen, forgets the same things every day, and drifts off mid-conversation. Walk through an ordinary day and spot the signs.

1 Pick a time of day2 Tap the glowing stars3 Flip the lens to see it their way

Spot the signs across a day

Signs spotted0 / 12
You spotted all 12.Seeing the pattern is the first step. Scroll down for what it can mean for relationships, and what you can do next.

Quick quiz

Myth or fact?

Five things people often say about attention. Make your call on each card.

The written guide

What every parent should know about inattention.

What inattention can look like

Every child loses focus sometimes. What matters is a pattern that shows up most days, in more than one place (home and school), and gets in the way of everyday life. A child who struggles with attention may often:

  • find it hard to focus on one thing, and be easily distracted
  • seem not to listen when spoken to directly
  • forget instructions, or lose track partway through them
  • move from one task to another without finishing anything
  • make careless mistakes
  • have trouble organising tasks and activities
  • daydream, forget things, or lose things they need

These signs are part of how health services describe the inattentive side of ADHD. They start in childhood, and children don’t simply grow out of them.[1, 2]

Why it gets missed

Inattention is quiet. A child who drifts off in class doesn’t disrupt anyone, so the struggle can go unnoticed for years, or be put down to laziness or not trying.

Girls with ADHD tend to show more inattention and less disruptive behaviour, and they are less likely to be diagnosed, or are diagnosed later.[2] At least 5 in every 100 children have ADHD.[2]

A useful reframe: when a child “won’t”, ask whether they can’t yet. The same instruction can feel very different to a brain that loses the thread.

How it can affect relationships

Attention difficulties don’t stay inside schoolwork. They show up in the everyday moments that relationships are built on: routines, conversations, play, and homework at the kitchen table.

72%of parents of children with ADHD said it affected their relationship with their childvs 43% of other parents[3]
64%said it affected relationships between siblingsvs 29% of other parents[3]
56%of children with ADHD in one study had no mutual friendshipvs 32% of other children[4]
  • With you. Repeating instructions, reminders and missed routines can turn ordinary moments into arguments. Parents in one large survey said strain was highest in the late afternoon and evening, around homework and family routines.[3]
  • With siblings. Unequal rules, extra attention, and interrupted games can cause friction between brothers and sisters.[3]
  • With friends. Children who are mainly inattentive are more often overlooked than disliked. Losing the thread of a game or a conversation can make it hard to keep friends, and their friendships tend to be shorter.[4]
  • With teachers. A child who seems not to listen can be seen as careless or unmotivated, even when they are trying hard.

How they come to see themselves

Children with attention difficulties often hear more corrections than praise. Over time, “you forgot again” can turn into “I’m stupid” or “I’m bad at everything”. Children with ADHD are also more likely to have anxiety, low mood and learning difficulties.[2]

Catch the effort, not just the result. “You remembered your bag. That was a lot to hold on to.” goes a long way.

What you can do if you’re wondering

  1. Notice the pattern. Jot down what happens, when, and where for a few weeks. Is it most days? Is it at home and at school?

  2. Talk to their teacher. Ask what they see in class and in the playground. Teachers see your child alongside many others the same age.

  3. See your family doctor (GP). In New Zealand, your GP can refer your child to a paediatrician, child psychiatrist or psychologist for an assessment, which often includes questionnaires and more than one appointment.[2]

  4. Keep the relationship warm. Short, one-step instructions, visual routines, and noticing what goes right make daily life easier, whatever an assessment says.

This page is general information, not medical advice, and it isn’t a checklist for diagnosis. Only a qualified health professional can assess a child. Attune is a game, not a diagnostic test, and it has not been shown to treat ADHD. If you’re worried about your child, talk to your GP.

Sources

  1. CDC. Symptoms of ADHD. cdc.gov/adhd/signs-symptoms
  2. Healthify (He Puna Waiora). ADHD – children. healthify.nz/health-a-z/a/adhd-children
  3. Coghill D et al. Impact of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder on the patient and family: results from a European survey. Child and Adolescent Psychiatry and Mental Health, 2008. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2588557
  4. Why can’t we be friends? A narrative review of the challenges of making and keeping friends for children and adolescents with ADHD. Frontiers in Developmental Psychology, 2024. frontiersin.org